you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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