im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
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she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So much rum. So many feels.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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