either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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