It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
