I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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