youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
