I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
