And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
