Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
