Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
