there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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