My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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