I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
