well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
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You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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