Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm both gender and math confused
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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