you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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