If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
