I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
