It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
