yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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