i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
