Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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