Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.

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  (480): I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it. http://tfl.nu/fq9i
  Replies (14) Good night (1765) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer

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  (502): I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer http://tfl.nu/cllh
  Replies (118) Good night (23006) Bad night (2273) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.

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  (917): No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list. http://tfl.nu/e3d0
  Replies (22) Good night (4791) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.

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  (303): Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel. http://tfl.nu/te56
  Replies (10) Good night (6501) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''

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  (248): Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.'' http://tfl.nu/51jx
  Replies (11) Good night (6338) Bad night (1841) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...

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  (215): I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day... http://tfl.nu/n3yk
  Replies (3) Good night (694) Bad night (1768) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.

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  (502): She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't. http://tfl.nu/5w3y
  Replies (8) Good night (750) Bad night (2311)
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  (565): View more from

  It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.

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  (565): It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/u0lc
  Replies (14) Good night (1995) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.

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  (847): The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume. http://tfl.nu/g5bo
  Replies (10) Good night (1941) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.

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  (256): So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome. http://tfl.nu/71bx
  Replies (16) Good night (779) Bad night (2122)
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  (310): View more from California

  Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?

  (626): View more from California

  That's two questions.

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  (310): Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away? (626): That's two questions. http://tfl.nu/0koe
  Replies (4) Good night (1709) Bad night (772)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador

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  (907): Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador http://tfl.nu/015q
  Replies (4) Good night (1036) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink

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  (313): You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink http://tfl.nu/6677
  Replies (7) Good night (1535) Bad night (212)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.

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  (703): Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life. http://tfl.nu/38t1
  Replies (4) Good night (628) Bad night (213) Order T-Shirt
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.

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  (719): The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies. http://tfl.nu/1axa
  Replies (1) Good night (112) Bad night (29)

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