I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship