I am in a vortex of obligation.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"