Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS