Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.

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  (614): You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts. http://tfl.nu/90f4
  Replies (11) Good night (3519) Bad night (744)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.

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  (613): my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet. http://tfl.nu/v7qv
  Replies (10) Good night (1175) Bad night (3710)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?

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  (828): is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear? http://tfl.nu/pkiy
  Replies (1) Good night (900) Bad night (1647)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer

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  (757): FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer http://tfl.nu/zfwz
  Replies (13) Good night (1877) Bad night (1125)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.

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  (732): I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach. http://tfl.nu/2w13
  Replies (8) Good night (2671) Bad night (692)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.

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  (541): Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule. http://tfl.nu/eokl
  Replies (28) Good night (3978) Bad night (941)
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  (213): View more from California

  Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  ... and if i was..

  (213): View more from California

  Fuck. You.

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  (213): Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten. (201): ... and if i was.. (213): Fuck. You. http://tfl.nu/ty6i
  Replies (5) Good night (1864) Bad night (602)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.

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  (623): It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that. http://tfl.nu/i8dz
  Replies (5) Good night (861) Bad night (393)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me

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  (630): i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me http://tfl.nu/f940
  Replies (1) Good night (779) Bad night (377)
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  (818): View more from California

  Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.

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  (818): Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail. http://tfl.nu/0wm6
  Replies (1) Good night (373) Bad night (506)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night

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  (919): Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night http://tfl.nu/q3u2
  Replies (4) Good night (609) Bad night (508)
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  (447): View more from

  Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole

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  (447): Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole http://tfl.nu/m1fc
  Replies (1) Good night (282) Bad night (749)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?

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  (610): Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko? http://tfl.nu/8pln
  Replies (2) Good night (491) Bad night (455)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.

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  (218): I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him. http://tfl.nu/9bz3
  Replies (1) Good night (334) Bad night (373)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.

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  (206): My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015. http://tfl.nu/zini
  Replies (2) Good night (223) Bad night (140)

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