so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.