it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
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