Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
