You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
