Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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