I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
