My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize