Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
