I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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