there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
