Umm I'm too high to move.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
