oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
