I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm like, not good at living.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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