I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
