I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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