My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
