Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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