Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
