I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize