i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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