I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
