you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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