that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
