They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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