That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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