What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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