I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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