with your own penis?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
