i may or may not be watching the land before time
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
