Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
