when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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