i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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