The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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