is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
