she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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