talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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