People in love make me want to vomit
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
