i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
