dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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