maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
